Lay-off Tip #8: Others Want You to Lean on Them
My friends mean everything to me. As I'm sure many of you feel, I would walk through fire for them any day of the week. Nothing gives me more happiness than when I can be there for my friends when they've had a tough day at work; when they've broken up with a boyfriend; when they are down on their luck; when they're getting ready to face a life decision; etc. Being trusted by your friends and being able to be that shoulder to lean on means everything to me.
However, as comfortable I am with people leaning on me, I've had a hard time in life when I'm the one that needs to do the leaning. That feeling of being totally vulnerable is tough! But what I've realized the most throughout this process is that your friends want you to lean on them. A friend once told me that they really appreciate the fact that I am there for them but that they also want to be there for me! That shows them that I trust them as much as they trust me. If you don't take the time to lean on your friends and be truly vulnerable, you are doing them a disservice and denying them of that wonderful feeling that you get when you can be there for someone. I can't tell you the amount of people that have been there through this tough time - offering to buy a meal or pay for a drink, or offering up their couch should times get really tough! Just this past weekend I was visiting my best friend for her birthday. It was her birthday and yet when I arrived to her house she had something for me. A bag full of groceries! And Rachael-friendly groceries at that (chicken noodle soup, mac & cheese, etc.).
So if you are at all like me and you go through something like this, cut yourself some slack and be okay with doing some leaning. It will strengthen your relationships and give you the comfort that you need. And your friends want you to lean. Believe me.
Oh, and once you do get that job again, go ahead and buy a round at the bar for those wonderful people :)
Rachael
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Stay Social
Lay-off Tip #7: Find those "free" deals!
One of the biggest stressors when you're laid off is money. When will the next job come in? Will I be taking a pay cut? Do I have to pay for health insurance now? Etc. And, if you're like me, you still want to be social!! I was going out 4 or 5 nights of the week pre-lay-off! Nothing huge but going to a movie or a happy hour or dinner. That's a hard transition to make if I were to just cut that.
Balancing your social life in the unemployed world can be difficult. Here are some ideas for staying social yet still saving money:
One of the biggest stressors when you're laid off is money. When will the next job come in? Will I be taking a pay cut? Do I have to pay for health insurance now? Etc. And, if you're like me, you still want to be social!! I was going out 4 or 5 nights of the week pre-lay-off! Nothing huge but going to a movie or a happy hour or dinner. That's a hard transition to make if I were to just cut that.
Balancing your social life in the unemployed world can be difficult. Here are some ideas for staying social yet still saving money:
- Find a friend who has a Costco membership & offer to go with them to get groceries - you can get filled up on the free samples alone and there's a free meal!
- Look at the wine bars in your area - chances are at least one night per week they will do free tastings. For us in Arlington, VA, Grand Cru has free tastings every Monday from 5-7! Love it!
- Look for the happy hours that serve free food - in D.C., Ella's Pizza provides free small pizzas at the bar from 5-7. Grab a beer and fill yourself on pizza! But get there right at 5, they go quick!
- Another great place is The Mighty Pint in Dupont Circle (formerly Madhatter). Every Thursday night is "Flip Night" where you flip a coin with the bartender. If you call it right, you get a free beer. If you call it wrong, you pay. 50/50 shot for a free beverage! Plus they have great happy hour specials all day.
So it takes a little more work, but there are still places to go to get you out of the house and stay social. You just have to be a little more creative.
See you around the free samples :)
Rachael
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Take a Day
Lay-off Tip #6: Make sure to take one full day to enjoy having no commitments
Once you get past the hurt and the anger of a lay-off, you start to move into freak-out mode. This is perfectly normal - where will I work next? How will I get health insurance? Can I really live off unemployment? How many jobs should I apply for each day to stay productive? Are people judging that I don't have a new job yet?
That is definitely important and you want to make sure to set yourself up for success (and a decent income!). However, it is equally important to take time (at least one full day) for yourself. To not worry about what will happen on the job front. To not e-mail people at your former job. In short, to just be.
Tomorrow is that day for me. Along with three other laid-off friends, I'm hosting a special lay-off day. Starting at 10:30 a.m., we will be drinking mimosas, eating cheesy potatoes, watching movies and just enjoying life. A personal pause if you will.
We really don't do this enough. So regardless of your situation, make sure that you take time for yourself. Give yourself a day to have a personal pause and cut yourself some slack. It's really difficult to always be "on."
And what I've found is that a little champagne and pinot noir go nicely with a personal day :)
Cheers! Rachael
Once you get past the hurt and the anger of a lay-off, you start to move into freak-out mode. This is perfectly normal - where will I work next? How will I get health insurance? Can I really live off unemployment? How many jobs should I apply for each day to stay productive? Are people judging that I don't have a new job yet?
That is definitely important and you want to make sure to set yourself up for success (and a decent income!). However, it is equally important to take time (at least one full day) for yourself. To not worry about what will happen on the job front. To not e-mail people at your former job. In short, to just be.
Tomorrow is that day for me. Along with three other laid-off friends, I'm hosting a special lay-off day. Starting at 10:30 a.m., we will be drinking mimosas, eating cheesy potatoes, watching movies and just enjoying life. A personal pause if you will.
We really don't do this enough. So regardless of your situation, make sure that you take time for yourself. Give yourself a day to have a personal pause and cut yourself some slack. It's really difficult to always be "on."
And what I've found is that a little champagne and pinot noir go nicely with a personal day :)
Cheers! Rachael
Monday, January 24, 2011
Be Someone's Advocate
Lay-off Tip #5: Be an advocate for someone in your life
When I first became a manager, one of the most important things to me was the well-being of my staff. I wanted them to know that no matter what happened, they had someone who had their back. Someone who would be their biggest fan when they were down and someone who would push them to go further. And so I quickly realized that the most important thing to me as a leader, was to be an advocate.
After being laid off, having an advocate is more important than ever. Someone who supports you and sings your praises long after you are gone. Someone who will go to bat for you not because of what you can do for them now, but because of what you've done for them in the past.
I am lucky to have that advocate in my life. Shoot, I am fortunate to have a lot of advocates in my life. I know that when I cannot speak for myself, someone will speak for me. When I cannot be somewhere to lead in person, someone will interpret my past teachings. And when it starts to feel like I've been replaced, someone will say, "you can replace the position, but never the person."
Think about the people who mean the most to you. Take time this week to show how much you care about them...especially when they're not around. Be someones advocate. Let someone know that they are not alone. If you live like this every day, when you need an advocate the most, they will be there.
Rachael
When I first became a manager, one of the most important things to me was the well-being of my staff. I wanted them to know that no matter what happened, they had someone who had their back. Someone who would be their biggest fan when they were down and someone who would push them to go further. And so I quickly realized that the most important thing to me as a leader, was to be an advocate.
After being laid off, having an advocate is more important than ever. Someone who supports you and sings your praises long after you are gone. Someone who will go to bat for you not because of what you can do for them now, but because of what you've done for them in the past.
I am lucky to have that advocate in my life. Shoot, I am fortunate to have a lot of advocates in my life. I know that when I cannot speak for myself, someone will speak for me. When I cannot be somewhere to lead in person, someone will interpret my past teachings. And when it starts to feel like I've been replaced, someone will say, "you can replace the position, but never the person."
Think about the people who mean the most to you. Take time this week to show how much you care about them...especially when they're not around. Be someones advocate. Let someone know that they are not alone. If you live like this every day, when you need an advocate the most, they will be there.
Rachael
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Oprah
Lay-off Tip #4: When one door closes, get out and open that next door.
I've been inspired by Oprah lately. I know, I know, some people love her, some people hate her. But regardless, I really respect her. I look at where she is in her career. After 25 years on the air with the Oprah Winfrey show, Oprah is ending that show later this year. Arguably, many could say that Oprah is on top of the world, what more could she do. She could very well see this as an ending.
But if you ask Oprah, she says she's just getting started. She now has her OWN network. It really is true that when one door closes, another one opens. But I don't think that the door opens for you...I merely think it presents itself. You then have to decide to open it. You have to go and get it. That's like everything in life, right?
Great friends don't just fall at your feet - you put in the effort and build the trust.
True loves don't just happen - you have to share your feelings and be vulnerable.
Amazing jobs don't just show up on your doorstep - it's the time, energy and relationship-building that gets you to the point of that next great job.
Think about what you really love. Work on that every day and your life will be full. Just ask Oprah.
Rachael
I've been inspired by Oprah lately. I know, I know, some people love her, some people hate her. But regardless, I really respect her. I look at where she is in her career. After 25 years on the air with the Oprah Winfrey show, Oprah is ending that show later this year. Arguably, many could say that Oprah is on top of the world, what more could she do. She could very well see this as an ending.
But if you ask Oprah, she says she's just getting started. She now has her OWN network. It really is true that when one door closes, another one opens. But I don't think that the door opens for you...I merely think it presents itself. You then have to decide to open it. You have to go and get it. That's like everything in life, right?
Great friends don't just fall at your feet - you put in the effort and build the trust.
True loves don't just happen - you have to share your feelings and be vulnerable.
Amazing jobs don't just show up on your doorstep - it's the time, energy and relationship-building that gets you to the point of that next great job.
Think about what you really love. Work on that every day and your life will be full. Just ask Oprah.
Rachael
Friday, January 21, 2011
Acknowledge the Scar
Lay-off Tip #3: It's Like a Relationship - Give it Some Time
I have said this for awhile now but I equate my previous job to a relationship. In a sense, my first love (boy it's time to get a life huh!). We went through the honeymoon phase and then settled into a nice relationship. There were times where I didn't feel like the job understood me; times where the job didn't appreciate me; but at the end of the day, it was always there for me and gave me comfort.
I was at my job for over 8 years - that's longer than all of my relationships combined (sad I know!). So now I'm left dealing with a break-up. A break-up that my head was totally ready for, but my heart is still playing a bit of catch-up. The more time that goes by, however, the more I realize that I don't think I will ever fully "get over it." That's not meant to sound depressing. The job, incluing the lay-off is now a part of who I am. It's shaped me.
You can think about it like a scar. You know the ones you have on your body - they all have a story and every time you look at it, you can go right back to that moment when you got it. Well, I got cut deep a few weeks ago. The wound is healing but once it heals, a scar will be there. I'll have that scar forever...and I'm a better person because I have it. That scar (my job) shaped me and definitely left it's mark. So it's time to acknowledge the feeling, find my support and heal on my own timeframe.
I'm sure one day I'll brag about the scar...I'm not quite there yet :)
Rachael
I have said this for awhile now but I equate my previous job to a relationship. In a sense, my first love (boy it's time to get a life huh!). We went through the honeymoon phase and then settled into a nice relationship. There were times where I didn't feel like the job understood me; times where the job didn't appreciate me; but at the end of the day, it was always there for me and gave me comfort.
I was at my job for over 8 years - that's longer than all of my relationships combined (sad I know!). So now I'm left dealing with a break-up. A break-up that my head was totally ready for, but my heart is still playing a bit of catch-up. The more time that goes by, however, the more I realize that I don't think I will ever fully "get over it." That's not meant to sound depressing. The job, incluing the lay-off is now a part of who I am. It's shaped me.
You can think about it like a scar. You know the ones you have on your body - they all have a story and every time you look at it, you can go right back to that moment when you got it. Well, I got cut deep a few weeks ago. The wound is healing but once it heals, a scar will be there. I'll have that scar forever...and I'm a better person because I have it. That scar (my job) shaped me and definitely left it's mark. So it's time to acknowledge the feeling, find my support and heal on my own timeframe.
I'm sure one day I'll brag about the scar...I'm not quite there yet :)
Rachael
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Pacing
Lay-off Tip #2: Slow down the pace
It might be just D.C. but boy, people are always in a hurry. I remember being one of those people. There just weren't enough hours in the day. Now, I feel like there are quite a few hours in the day and every morning I wake up thinking about how I'm going to fill them. It's a mind shift for sure.
Whether you have a job or not, take one day and just slow things down. Allow people to pass you on the road; let others merge first; open a door for someone; pay someone's toll (this one is hard for the unemployed but still!); just stop and look around you...you're guaranteed to notice something that wasn't there before.
-Rachael
It might be just D.C. but boy, people are always in a hurry. I remember being one of those people. There just weren't enough hours in the day. Now, I feel like there are quite a few hours in the day and every morning I wake up thinking about how I'm going to fill them. It's a mind shift for sure.
Whether you have a job or not, take one day and just slow things down. Allow people to pass you on the road; let others merge first; open a door for someone; pay someone's toll (this one is hard for the unemployed but still!); just stop and look around you...you're guaranteed to notice something that wasn't there before.
-Rachael
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Setting a Goal each day
Lay-off rule #1: Set goals each day (they can and should be small but focus on meeting them)
We always talk about setting goals at work and how you should really apply that to your personal lives. Well, now that I'm unemployed I realize just how important and necessary that skill really is. I used to set some major goals at work each day - return all voicemails; answer all emails from the night prior; complete two sections of the business plan; etc.
Well, when you're not going to work each day, your goals change pretty significantly. For example, I had a few main goals that I set for myself today: go to the doctor; get measurements for a bridesmaid dress; go to a buffet lunch; go to CVS; call in the unemployment number. I met all those goals and I felt damn accomplished. And to top it off, I also created a blog!! That wasn't on my list, but I had time to squeeze it in ;)
My point is that when you have some more time on your hands, you're able to do a lot more than you think. You just have to set those small goals each day so that you feel like you're accomplishing something. And we'll talk about the bridesmaid dress measurements in another post. Good thing I don't have low self-esteem!
We always talk about setting goals at work and how you should really apply that to your personal lives. Well, now that I'm unemployed I realize just how important and necessary that skill really is. I used to set some major goals at work each day - return all voicemails; answer all emails from the night prior; complete two sections of the business plan; etc.
Well, when you're not going to work each day, your goals change pretty significantly. For example, I had a few main goals that I set for myself today: go to the doctor; get measurements for a bridesmaid dress; go to a buffet lunch; go to CVS; call in the unemployment number. I met all those goals and I felt damn accomplished. And to top it off, I also created a blog!! That wasn't on my list, but I had time to squeeze it in ;)
My point is that when you have some more time on your hands, you're able to do a lot more than you think. You just have to set those small goals each day so that you feel like you're accomplishing something. And we'll talk about the bridesmaid dress measurements in another post. Good thing I don't have low self-esteem!
My Purpose with this Blog
After joining the ranks of the unemployed yet still inspired, I decided it would be a great time to reach out to the world and let people know what it's like when life throws you a curve ball. I want this to be a place for people to come and hear some fun stories, share their ideas/hopes/dreams and just be inspired. I consider every day a gift - I have amazing friends, a supportive family and a lot of enthusiasm for life. Every day brings something new!
This blog will fulfill three main purposes:
This blog will fulfill three main purposes:
- Provide a forum for discussions on interesting topics and questions that we all think about but don't always talk about
- Provide resources and ideas for individuals who are laid off but still looking to be social - just because your situation changes doesn't mean you have to hide away. There is a lot out there!
- Set up a place where people can be inspired. Amazing stories, possible opportunities and just overall inspiration.
Talk to you soon!
Rachael
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