It's My Call

Wow. It's been awhile since I last wrote - I apologize for that! It's funny, I was thinking the other day about where I was when I started this blog and where I am now. It's been 2 months since the lay-off and I am in SUCH a different place now than I was then. When I started this blog, I was definitely hurt and scared and yet excited and hopeful all at the same time. I had things to say daily and wrote often. Now I find myself averaging a post a week. What changed? Well, I did.
I realize that when I first started this blog, I was trying to find my voice again. My confidence was shaken and I needed a place (a community) where I could go and heal. The purpose of the early weeks of the blog was to do just that - to heal. Now, I am in a very different place. The purpose of this blog is changing for me. I am settling into my new reality. Some parts of that reality I like very much - the freedom; the ability to press reset and totally start anew (if I so choose); the ability to go for long walks during the day; the time to do a little soul searching. On the flip side, there are things about the new reality that make me very anxious - some of the things I listed above. When you have more time to yourself, you have more time to be hard on yourself. And you can get lost in the world of job searching; the opinions of others; pursuing your own business ventures; or just coasting until the real reality sets in...the financial reality.
Where I'm going with all this is that during a change or transition, you go through all sorts of stages. This blog had such an amazing purpose when I first began - it helped me forgive and it helped me heal. Now, I am moving into this next phase where I can see some different paths in front of me (pursue my own business; get a new full-time job; get a temporary job; move to a new city; do volunteer work; etc.) and I am completely at that crossroads. If you think of life as a map, and you look back in time, you can usually see those times where you came to a fork in the road of your life journey. Knowing history, this time will pass and ultimately you'll be on a new path again but while you are staring at the fork, it can be completely overwhelming. Which path do I choose? I can seek advice and guidance from my friends and loved ones but much like that feeling that I had when I graduated from college, it is ultimately up to me. I need to have some real conversations with myself (which is simple to do because scheduling time with myself is pretty easy these days!!) and determine which path I'm going to take. Do I trust myself enough? Am I strong enough?
Now is the time I make a personal commitment to myself. It's easy to live your life for others and through others. There are many times in my life where I have done that. But right now, with no formal commitments, it's my time to shine. And to determine what it means to shine - my definition may have changed and that's okay. That's my call.
So here's to calling your own shots and believing enough in yourself that after 31 years (for me), I can trust that I will make the right decision and I will be a better person for whatever path I choose. No regrets...only growth.
Here's to that next chapter. The blog will be focusing on those crossroads decisions and I would like to use this community as a place to share the ups and downs and to ultimately remember that if you trust in yourself, you will be successful. I need help reminding myself of that sometimes.
Thanks for your support! And away we go!
Rachael