Moving Forward

Hi Friends!

I bet you thought I had given up on this blog. Well, I have decided to move on from writing frequently, however I thought this would be a good time to send around an update on my life. What a year it has been since I started this blog in January. Some good times, some bad times, but all around, some defining moments. To recap a few:

• Laid off in January - major transition but ultimately a good thing
• Started Rachael English, LLC to start consulting
• Attended a personal leadership conference that opened my heart
• One of my BFF's moved to Ethiopia!
• I traveled to China for my old company - it rocked my world! I ate a scorpion :)
• Was honored to be in my Little's wedding out in Vail, Colorado
• My best friend had her first baby - little Addalyn Rachael!
• Had a kick ass bachelorette party in Chicago for my BFF Katie
• Created a business plan with a fantastic partner for a business I know we will get to one day!
• Participated in various workshops and panels thus honing my passion and focus
• Sublet my townhouse for the summer - became a nomad for two months!
• And now...

As many of you know, I have decided that after nine years in our nation's capital, it is time to move forward. I cannot express how much this city and it's people have impacted me. I am a better person because of my decision to move here and I believe that my time here has forever shaped the woman I am and the woman I want to continue to become. I was determined to get to D.C. my entire life. I was so drawn to the city and knew it would be a great place to spend my 20s...boy was I right!

As that song says, "Life's a journey, not a destination." I was fortunate to have a pretty long period of time here in D.C. where I met friends I will take with me forever. And so it's not with a sad heart, but with a full and hopeful heart that I move into this new chapter. Just another stop on my journey of life. There will be tough times; there will be rough patches; but I'm taking with me the strength that I gained over the years which shows me that I am ready for anything!

So as I pack up my things and move out of my townhouse on September 1st, I will go with a few tears of course, but more than that, a HUGE smile filled with years and years of memories and fun. My plan is to take a little time in my hometown of Hamilton, NJ, regroup, pound the pavement and get myself a full-time job ideally in the great city of Chicago. I know some of you might be worried - how will a girl like me who brushes her hair every 20 minutes be able to survive in the Windy City?? Well, I will say the same way I did in every other city: with lots of love and support in my corner and hairbrushes at work, at home and in every purse :)

Thank you for being there to support me. I can't wait to share this next journey with all of you! I am feeling a new blog coming up as I make the transition and move. So stay tuned for that!

Know that you all are forever etched in my heart - you have made an impact more than you could know - I have a takeaway from each of you. Thank you for giving me the courage to take this next step. I promise I won't let you down! Here's to moving forward!

Love,

Rachael

P.S. A good friend pointed out that having a theme song is important during transition. And so of course, my theme song comes from my favorite artist, the great Kelly Clarkson!

"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,

Thought it's not easy to tell you goodbye.

I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change

And breakaway."

1 More Hour

I took some time for myself tonight. I took an hour and went to my favorite spot in Washington, D.C. - Gravelly Point. For those who don't know, it's a great spot off the GW Parkway right by Reagan National Airport where you can watch the planes take off and land. Nothing calms me more than this place.

While I was sitting there, I got to thinking. When I was working full-time, I often wished I had more hours in the day. I wished I had time to spend my days doing something different or interesting. Something crazy fun. But sadly, I didn't really have those extra hours/I didn't make the time for them. Well, I'm in an entirely different position right now. And with that, I'm hoping to recruit you for some inspiration.

If you had 1 extra hour in your day, how would you spend it? What would you do? I want to use your posts as a "to do" list for me over the next few days/weeks. You have one extra hour to your day - how would you fill it? You write me and if possible, I am going to do all of these things. I'm looking to be motivated from you.

So please, take a few minutes and post back either via Facebook or via this blog and let me know what you would do with one more hour. Even if it's unique to you, that's okay. I want to see how we would spend this precious time.

Thanks everyone! You inspire me :)
Rachael

Crossroads Smiling

Hi friends,

Can you believe it's been a month since my last blog post? I feel like I may have let some of you down with my lack of writing. The reason for it is that my inspiration has changed over the past month. The purpose for this blog is now changing.

Three months ago, after being laid off, I found myself in this unique position of being under-employed and over-inspired. I say unique becuse most people sadly in life are over-employed and under-inspired. Those first two months were a lot of me dealing with the raw emotion and moving forward with my new reality. My everything was wrapped up in the organization I left - my social network, my professional development, my management values, my housemates, my friends, my time. I found myself at a new beginning. I was fortunate that right away I was given an opportunity with a former colleague to start my own business. After having my confidence shaken with the lay-off, and then having someone express interest in me, I felt very inspired. With that, I didn't fully go through the emotions like I may have needed. Through this blog and the support of my new business partner, friends and family, I was able to charge ahead. But that charge ahead meant that there were some pieces of the change and my emotions with which I wasn't dealing. Hence the multiple blog posts per week at the beginning and the lack of writing lately. I am a different person than I was three months ago and this last month I have had the chance to really focus on myself - which is why I've been distant.

This last month has been really interesting. I had the fortunate opportunity to attend a leadership retreat at a quiet conference center in Valley Forge, PA (see the picture of the people in my group). This retreat was professional in nature, but my takeaways could not have been more personal. It was the first time in a very long time, that I really listened to myself. Listened to what was happening and how I was feeling - not how I "should" be feeling or what others in my situation were feeling, but how I was literally feeling. And I got to do it by myself - with no connections to my "real" life, no one who knew me. At this retreat, you take a pseudonym for the week and you leave your history, job titles, upbringing, etc. at the door starting at minute 1 of the retreat. This may sound a little strange but now I completely see the reason. By elminating all the baggage that we carry, we are free to completely be ourselves. Free to say what we really feel without fear of judgment or labeling. It puts everyone on an even playing field as humans...it's amazing what you see when that happens.

Because of my current place in life, I decided to enter the retreat with the name Crossroads. For five intense days, I was referred to only as Crossroads. I learned so much about myself. What you see externally is not always what's going on internally. I tend to internalize A LOT. I tend to apologize for my feelings. I tend to feel like when I have a problem or issue that I am bothering people if I want to talk about it. I don't give enough of myself to people. All things that really surprised me because I put such an emphasis on relationships.

Now, for folks who know me, you might be thinking, "What? I don't agree with any of those things. I feel like you share a lot. I feel like you open up a ton." All this is true. My friends are my life. My main objective in life is to try and be the best person I can for the people close to me. In doing that though, I sometimes ignore my individual needs. My biggest realization at the retreat was that...I need to be needed. Nothing makes me feel more validated than when a friend calls and says that they just needed to hear my voice; or needed to ask for my opinion; or needed a hug. I like people to lean on me. I like to fulfill that supporter role. But with all that, comes a selfishness that I didn't realize was there until I went on this retreat. Being needed is an okay thing (we all need each other sometimes to lean on) as long as the intentions are totally pure. The reality is that people can lean, but ultimately they need to be supported and empowered to rely on themselves so that they are stronger the next time they face the situation. For me, by simply protecting and not always empowering, I can create an unintentional dependency on me, vs. an ability to move through situations individually. This is more common in my work relationships than personal but still.

This was a huge takeaway as I move into this next chapter of my life. Knowing this trait, I can now work on my intentions and work on supporting in a way that empowers. I'd like to be a mother someday. I don't want my children to always rely on me day in and day out. They need to find their own path. This learning that I have applies to myself as well. Right now, I need to lean and be pushed by those closest to me, but ultimately I need to look inside to decide what's next. It is easy to get overwhelmed when you're afforded the opportunity to push the reset button on your life. Should I stay in the same city? Should I just pack up my car and drive somewhere new? Should I get a full-time job? Should I work part-time? How long do I want to be on unemployment? Do people judge me? Should I try something I've always wanted and not worry about how others will perceive it? Should I put everything into this new business venture and go all out? Should I commit to losing those 20 pounds I've wanted to lose for so long? :) There are some days (most) where just about all these things are running through my mind. It's a lot of questioning.

Questions are good, but it's important to not get totally caught up in the questions. What's more important than questioning, is living. Think about what makes you smile every day and do it. Even if it doesn't encompass your entire day, make sure that you smile every day. And for me right now, I am making sure that every day, I do something that makes a personal investment in myself. It may be working out. It may be working on my own personal website. It may be reading a book or learning a new skill. It may be creating a blog post! Every day I need to do something for me. I think we all deserve that for ourselves. After all, we spend the most time with ourselves...we need to take care of ourselves first and foremost so that we can really show up for our other relationships. If I'm at 50%, there is no way I can give 100% to someone else. It's just not possible with the math. So today I stress the importance of self-care. Listen to yourself. Feel good about yourself and make a commitment to yourself every day.

As the subject of the blog has changed a bit and adapted with my changing feelings, I am going to be updating a little less often (monthly), but I'm going to be doing so on my new web page: http://www.rachaelenglish.com/. Right now it's under construction, but it should be up and running in the next month - hold me to it!!! But moving forward, I hope you will save my page in your favorites and check in often to see my happenings and gain advice on how to make that personal commitment to yourself.

Wishing you all the best,

Rachael, aka Crossroads

It's My Call

Wow. It's been awhile since I last wrote - I apologize for that! It's funny, I was thinking the other day about where I was when I started this blog and where I am now. It's been 2 months since the lay-off and I am in SUCH a different place now than I was then. When I started this blog, I was definitely hurt and scared and yet excited and hopeful all at the same time. I had things to say daily and wrote often. Now I find myself averaging a post a week. What changed? Well, I did.
I realize that when I first started this blog, I was trying to find my voice again. My confidence was shaken and I needed a place (a community) where I could go and heal. The purpose of the early weeks of the blog was to do just that - to heal. Now, I am in a very different place. The purpose of this blog is changing for me. I am settling into my new reality. Some parts of that reality I like very much - the freedom; the ability to press reset and totally start anew (if I so choose); the ability to go for long walks during the day; the time to do a little soul searching. On the flip side, there are things about the new reality that make me very anxious - some of the things I listed above. When you have more time to yourself, you have more time to be hard on yourself. And you can get lost in the world of job searching; the opinions of others; pursuing your own business ventures; or just coasting until the real reality sets in...the financial reality.
Where I'm going with all this is that during a change or transition, you go through all sorts of stages. This blog had such an amazing purpose when I first began - it helped me forgive and it helped me heal. Now, I am moving into this next phase where I can see some different paths in front of me (pursue my own business; get a new full-time job; get a temporary job; move to a new city; do volunteer work; etc.) and I am completely at that crossroads. If you think of life as a map, and you look back in time, you can usually see those times where you came to a fork in the road of your life journey. Knowing history, this time will pass and ultimately you'll be on a new path again but while you are staring at the fork, it can be completely overwhelming. Which path do I choose? I can seek advice and guidance from my friends and loved ones but much like that feeling that I had when I graduated from college, it is ultimately up to me. I need to have some real conversations with myself (which is simple to do because scheduling time with myself is pretty easy these days!!) and determine which path I'm going to take. Do I trust myself enough? Am I strong enough?
Now is the time I make a personal commitment to myself. It's easy to live your life for others and through others. There are many times in my life where I have done that. But right now, with no formal commitments, it's my time to shine. And to determine what it means to shine - my definition may have changed and that's okay. That's my call.
So here's to calling your own shots and believing enough in yourself that after 31 years (for me), I can trust that I will make the right decision and I will be a better person for whatever path I choose. No regrets...only growth.
Here's to that next chapter. The blog will be focusing on those crossroads decisions and I would like to use this community as a place to share the ups and downs and to ultimately remember that if you trust in yourself, you will be successful. I need help reminding myself of that sometimes.
Thanks for your support! And away we go!
Rachael

The Concept of Failing

Lay-off Tip #18: Don't Be Afraid to Fail

Why does the word failure have such a negative stigma? Why are we so afraid of failing or of pushing our children not to fail? If we think of it at the basic level of fail vs. succeed, of course we're going to want success. But the more I explore what is next in my life and the more I read about success stories, I realize that life is filled with failed moments and major roadblocks. The most successful people in the world have failed along the way. Yet they pick themselves up and start again. That is the key.

This concept inspired me to look back in history at some folks who failed often before they ultimately succeeded.

• Henry Ford - before forming the successful Ford Motor Company, Ford was left broke five times from failed businesses
• Walt Disney - no one can argue with this success right now as it's a powerhouse company, but Walt Disney himself had a rough start, being fired by a newspaper editor because he "lacked imagination and had no good ideas." He then had a number of business that failed and went into bankruptcy but he kept pushing.
• Thomas Edison - in his early years, teachers told Edison he was "too stupid to learn anything." And he was fired from his first two jobs for not being productive enough. In addition, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb - 1,000! But he kept trying and eventually got it right.
• Michael Jordan - most people know that Michael was cut from his high school basketball team before he went on to become a star. Jordan always appreciated how these setbacks helped him along the way and he is famous for this quote, "I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

There is much to be said from these stories and for me it's just so inspiring. I don't believe that some people just get lucky. Sure luck is a part of it but I believe life is about hard work and it is absolutely about knowing how to fail. The failure lasts for a moment. But it's how you deal with it that lingers on. We need to start accepting that failure will be a part of life. That is when you really live - when you learn where you need to improve; where you need to ask for help; where you really have passion. We mustn't shy away from this concept - rather we need to start preparing for what we will do when we do fail.

I'll end with the following quote: "Don't be afraid to fail. Don't waste energy trying to cover up failure. Learn from your failures and go on to the next challenge. It's OK to fail. If you're not failing, you're not growing."

Here's to growth!
Rachael

Happy Birthday!

So...yesterday was my 31st birthday and the events of the day were totally blog-worthy! Now being laid off and having many friends in a similar situation, it's important to be frugal while celebrating. And believe it or not, it is totally possible...even in a big city like D.C.

I found myself surprised by two of my best friends yesterday morning. They came to the door with an agenda and a stack of papers. Upon further examination, I realized that we were celebrating a day of freebies, courtesy of D.C. and Virginia vendors! This was amazing! I have to give credit to these awesome places and figured this blog was the way to do it. Now anyone can partake in this excitement during their birthday month, but you have to sign up on the company's website prior to the actual day. And if you are really lucky, maybe one of your good friends will sign up for you, using their email so you can avoid the daily emails that will inevitably follow (thank you Katie!).

Check out some of the cool deals we had!

• Bruegger's Bagels - free bagel with cream cheese
• Baskin Robbins - free ice cream cone
• Noodles & Co. - free entree
• Bailey's Pub & Grill - free appetizer (with the purchase of an entree)
• Chevy's - free appetizer (with the purchase of an entree)
• Sephora - free birthday gift! I got shampoo/body wash!
• Cake Love - free cupcake
• Ella's Wood Fired Pizza - free pizza

So no matter your situation, remember that birthdays are meant for total celebration...and let's face it, it's usually the gifts that cost very little that matter the most, namely, quality time with great friends.
Rachael

Too Good to Be True

Lay-off Tip #17: Too good to be true usually means too good to be true

Why is that? I am a trusting person. I believe in the things that people say. Some people call that naive. Maybe it is, but I'd rather live that way than constantly thinking that people have an ulterior motive. However, sometimes that can get you into trouble.

Being laid off and looking for short term assignments, I find myself seeing tons of articles and advertisements telling me to "get rich quick!" I know normally we are told to ignore those things, but sometimes I have to think that there is something there! Why would it be there if it wasn't true?!? Why aren't there "quick fixes" out there?

The reality is that everything that is worth something in life takes some work to achieve. It's like working out - if there was a miracle drug or exercise that we could all do to lose weight fast, we'd all do it. But then we'd take it for granted. However, when we commit ourselves to a 30 or 60 day workout routine and see positive results, we are so grateful and appreciative and have a newfound respect for ourselves.

I have a yoga video that I sometimes use, the lady says that you have to be accountable for yourself and put the effort in so that you can truly reap the benefits. If you work hard for it and truly earn it, then you are really living.

So although some of these "get rich quick" and "magic diet pills" may have some merit, the bottom line is that it takes a belief in yourself and a commitment to your future to live a happy, healthy life. It means not taking the easy road and putting in some blood, sweat and tears.

Think back to the times in your life where you have been truly proud of yourself or of others. Haven't they been when you, or that individual, really pushed him/herself and made a personal commitment? That's the good stuff.

Now, if I could only sell that timeshare I bought years ago ;)
Rachael