Stop and Think

Lay-off Tip #15: Give Brotherly Love

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, I've been thinking a lot about love. All kinds of love. But most recently, the idea of brotherly love. How do we love one another? The people we know and the people we don't know.

I was riding the metro home today and a gentleman was walking around with a piece of laminated paper describing his unfortunate situation (deaf, diabetes, homeless) and asking for money. We have all had these experiences before whether on the side of a road, in a mall, walking down the street or riding on a train. But what is fascinating is the reaction given when we have these encounters. The typical response from everyone (at least on my train) was a quick look at the paper, then a shrug saying "no." No eye contact with the gentleman, no asking questions, nothing. Some didn't even read his entire sign. I'm definitely not judging because it's exactly what I did. But it made me stop and think. Why are we so quick to judge people who are asking for a handout?

• Is it because we value needing to work hard for success?
• Do we just not have the money ourselves?
• Are we lazy?
• Is there a negative stigma associated with people asking for something from others?
• Do we assume they will spend the handout on something bad?

At the end of the day, what does it hurt to give someone $.50 or $1.00? Or even $5.00. Why do we stay so strong as to not helping our "brothers" in need? I think about the response I received after being laid off. People were so generous and so willing to lend a hand, buy a lunch or offer a couch to sleep on. True, they know me well and they know my character and with these individuals in question, we don't know a lot about them. But at the end of the day, isn't it our responsibility to look out for our brothers? If we don't take the time to be there for one another, who will?

I know this is a controversial subject and we all may have strong opinions on the matter. But I hope this gives you some pause the next time you see someone in that situation. At the end of the day, we all need a little help sometimes. And it is very difficult to ask someone else for something. But think about the difference you can make - people need encouragement and support. It is hard to ask for a handout and sure there are people out there who may take advantage. But regardless, for a small cost, you can feel good about the difference you are making in someone's life and the fact that you are looking out for your brothers. And let's be honest, you can't be expected to always contribute financially to someone in need. But more importantly than actually giving the money is the way that you treat the person. If you aren't able to give, look them in the eye and say that. Feel for their situation. Compassion goes a long way. We're all in this thing called life together. We will all be down on our luck and there will be a time where you just need someone to say, "I feel for you. I'm here for you. I hope your situation improves." Stop and think.

Do a selfless act this week in the spirit of brotherly love. And if you do it in Philadelphia you get bonus points :)
Rachael

Regis & Kelly

Lay-off Tip #14: Celebrate the Milestones

So this is the second post that has the subject line of a daytime talk show :). But today's episode of Live with Regis & Kelly had me tearing up! It is their 10 year anniversary together and so the entire week was focused on looking back and celebrating their accomplishments and time together. I feel like that's something that we don't do enough.

Sure, we'll do gifts or a champagne toast or a card but usually only when it's an official anniversary. 10 years at a company; 5 year wedding anniversary; birthdays; graduations; etc. But there are so many unofficial milestones to celebrate. Both personally and professionally. When you think about your life as a big road map, it is usually the bumps and curves and mile markers that we remember, but sometimes we should stop and celebrate the journey between each marker. Look at a particular path on your life journey, from a low valley to a high peak. Whatever you did during that time, whoever was there for you - that is the good stuff. Not just the highlighted end points but the journey in between.

One of my favorite quotes is focused on the choices we make along our life path, "All of life is a journey, which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look forward to is up to us. We determine our destination, what kind of road we will take to get there, and how happy we are when we get there."

It's time to reflect more on our successes and relationships. I realize that after the lay-off the subject of my conversations with people was the actual lay-off itself. I believe that needed to happen at the beginning because I had to process the event (that mile marker). During those conversations, we didn't spend a lot of time focusing on the time spent at the company. Now that it's been over a month, I've moved into the phase where I want to reminisce and celebrate all that happened while I was there. It was a company unlike any other - my friends outside of the company would always be amazed at how close everyone was and how it really filled my social calendar :). It's time to look back fondly.

I encourage you, don't wait until the official anniversaries - take time now to celebrate your relationships and your accomplishments. Everyday you have successes! Acknowledge them. It'll make your life happier each and every day.

Never underestimate the power of daytime television. They really do have some great ideas! And they know how to celebrate :)
Rachael

Strength

Lay-off Tip #13: You're stronger than you think

I've been saying that phrase for awhile now, starting right after the lay-off. Change is scary; we all know that. But it's also true that change needs to happen for life to really mean something. Going off to college - scary but for many, some of the best years of their lives. Moving to a new city (or country!) - extremely scary but for many it opens up a door to a new job, new friends, new significant other, etc.

Have a little faith in yourself. It's so cliche, but it's true. Do something that scares you. Maybe not every day but every once in awhile. Fear is actually a good thing. The fear is there because it's something that really mattes and it's where you have the potential to really feel alive. If you're just coasting, you're not really living.

Today I did something that scared me a lot. I did 90 minutes of Bikram yoga (hot yoga for the people like me who had no clue). It was my first time and I have been so scared to do it. 105 degrees for 90 minutes doing yoga...are you kidding me!?!? But I'm happy to report that I made it through the full class and did just about all of the poses. I walked out of there with an increased confidence and the realization that our mind, body and soul are stronger than we often give ourselves credit for.

Think about something that really scares, yet intigues you. It may be a new job, it may be a new exercise, it may be asking someone out. Whatever it is, give it a try. Regardless of the outcome, you will be proud of yourself for doing it. And at the end of the day, that self-respect and self-worth is really what matters most. After all, you spend the most amount of time with yourself!

Namaste :)
Rachael

The Signs are Everywhere

Lay-off Tip #12: Look Around. The signs for "what's next" are all around you!

When you have a little more time on your hands, I believe your senses become more acute. That idea of taking time to smell the roses. Of course you can always smell the roses but when you have more time on your hands, they have a more intense smell.

For me, I'm noticing this a lot. A hug means so much more than it has in the past. Rather than just drinking whatever wine is around, I'm enjoying actually tasting the different varieties. I'm fascinated by people I don't know and even more so by people I do know. I'm hearing things differently. I can really feel what people are saying...my empathy has grown significantly.

With this increased sense, come the signs pointing you towards your next big adventure. Watch out for them. They could be telling you to take some time and volunteer. They could be pointing you to open your own business. They could be telling you to move. They could be telling you to spend some time with your kids. As I list these things, I realize that all the folks around me (myself included) are doing these. Time is a beautiful thing. It gives you the chance to touch, hear, see, smell and taste more.

I'm looking for signs all the time. I feel confident with the path I'm marching down. Just today, I received this message in an email. It could not be more appropriate for the situation. I thought I'd share it here. It's called, "For a New Beginning," by John O'Donohue:

...It watched you play with the seduction of safety

and the gray promises that sameness whispered,

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,

And you stepped onto new ground,

Your eyes young again with energy and dream,

A path of plentitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear

You can trust the promise of this opening;

Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning

That is at one with your life's desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;

Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;

Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,

For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

Talk about inspiration. That new rhythm is coming. For now, it's time to take that risk!
Rachael

The Power of Connection

Lay-off Tip #11: Take time for quality meals with good people

Many of my friends are joking that since my lay-off (a month ago today), I have become a "lady who lunches." I've gone on a number of lunch dates with a variety of different people who have impacted my life. Some I've had lunch with many times before; others I never really had as much quality time. However, something happens when you go through a major change that has you re-evaluate your situation. You become a lot more patient, and you appreciate quality time.

The people that I have seen over the last month have provided me with so much love, support and conversation, that it's hard to get bored! Some of the people I've had lunch with share my story and they too have been laid off. Others are still at the organization. And still others are those friends who have been there through thick and thin. Every single person has helped me to heal.

It's amazing the bond that happens when you have a shared experience. Even though it's something negative, the bond that is created is so positive that it makes you realize it was supposed to happen. I love the lunches with people who have experienced the same thing as me because there is a comfort and an ease about everything you say. You're not trying to be strong; you're not trying to be mad; quite simply put, you don't have to try. And you both are on the same page with regards to time...you have it and you are filling it with things that are good for your heart. I like that.

The people who are still at the organization have also helped me to heal. They make my work there feel so valued. They acknowledge that I'm gone and miss the times that we had. They too are looking for guidance and support and some are hurting just as much. I like meeting with these people because they are still a part of something that I will always love and I appreciate that connection. I also love that they genuinely feel for what I'm going through and show appropriate sympathy. They make me feel like I matter.

Then there are those tried and true friends who had nothing to do with the organization but have been there throughout my entire relationship with it. They just get it. They know that it's hard and show sympathy for that, but they also have perspective of life outside these walls. They have faith in me and knew me before this organization, thus giving me confidence for life again outside of the organization. I like these people because they have a permanent seat in my roller coaster of life :)

These lunches have been good for my belly, but more importantly good for my soul. I love taking 2 hours out of my day and just being with one other person...there is nothing better than that connection. Oh, and once things rebound, I look forward to returning the favor and treating these friends to lunch! Life is cyclical like that!

So rather than constantly thinking about what's next, take some time to be in the moment and spend a few hours with a good friend or a former colleague and really listen. Everyone has a story to tell. The best way to support is to allow a person to be heard.
Rachael

Don't Forget Your Childhood Dream

Lay-off Tip #10: Dreams Still Can Come True, Just in a Different Form

I was thinking back the other day about some of my childhood dreams. The age old story you tell yourself about what you want to be when you grow up. The reality is, I think you will probably always ask yourself that question. My dad still says that!

When I was little, I remember thinking at first that I wanted to be an electrical engineer. What's up with that!?! How did I know what that was? I actually think it was featured on Mr. Roger's Neighborhood one day and I thought, that would be a different job - I could make light bulbs turn on! Then I slowly evolved into wanting to go into professional politics. I wanted to be a Senator (I even wrote a report about it in 8th grade). I loved everything about politics - most likely because my Dad dabbled in professional politics when I was younger. His tag line, "Vote for English, I speak your language." I loved it. Sadly the people didn't as much as he didn't win that election. But nonetheless, the passion for politics and government came to the forefront, hence why I majored in Political Science in college and immediately moved to Washington, D.C. when I completed college.

Looking at those two ideas I had for when I grew up, one could easily think, well, those didn't come true! What's the point of those dreams if you're just going to go down another path. I'd argue that that they did come true, just in another form.

I realized probably in the last five years, that my passion is for educating and motivating people around the world. I love interacting with people, I feel like I understand them and nothing gives me more pleasure than helping someone gain a little more faith in themselves. So I would say that I have the electrical engineer in me because my passion is making those light bulbs go off in people. And I have the politics in me because I enjoy the true spirit of public service and the real reason folks should go into that arena. To help others. To find a platform where they can positively influence those around them. That's what it's all about. And to be an advocate for the people (you remember my advocacy post a week or so ago?).

That is who I am. That is what I love. And regardless of where my path goes in the future, I will still be living those childhood dreams. Think about yours for a minute. What did you want to be? Are you incorporating that in any way into your life? If not, take a little time to see how you can get back to the root of where that dream started. You may not really be able to be that astronaut, but you can find a job/hobby that fulfills that passion to fly; or to take risks; to be bold; to solve problems; etc.

Cheers to Childhood Dreams Coming True! See you in Disneyworld (where dreams come true...get it) :)
Rachael

Take Care of Yourself

Lay-off Tip #9: Do a few big things for yourself!

So many times in life we find ourselves saying that we don't have enough time. We'd love to finish that scrapbook we've had on our shelf but we just don't have four hours to sit down and do it. We have a do-it-yourself project that needs some attention but we're again too busy. Sometimes we don't even take the time for haircut because we get so wrapped up in things that we're doing for work or for other people that we "forget." That is because we are not putting ourselves first.

Now, let's be real, in all honesty, you can't always put yourself first - unless you just want to have a relationship with yourself all the time! However, when things happen to you that really throw you off your game, or make a big impact in your life (like a lay-off), it is imperative that you press pause, and do at least 1 or 2 main things just for yourself.

I got a haircut the other day for the first time since Thanksgiving. It was time for a fresh start - cut out the old and get ready for the new! I have a friend who is going to be volunteering at the National Archives because he is super interested in history. Another friend has been going through her closet and purging as much as possible to give away to Good Will (something she's been wanting to do for a long time). Whatever it is, take that time to do something for yourself that provides you with a sort of cleansing or purging to then be able to dive into your next job/project/plan.

Do that thing you always said you would do! Go sky dive. Go out and see the museums in your area. Write cards to people who mean the world to you. Or maybe, start a blog :)
Rachael